yup..
yup.
So to put it all into perspective.. my boyfriend doesn't love me anymore, I rush ordered a costume for a party that I'm no longer going to, and I ditched class today because when shit happens with the boyfriend, I tend to become a sedentary rock that doesn't want to move or go anywhere. They turned off the water at my apartment complex at 9 AM and it won't be back until 4 PM because they're replacing old pipes with new ones.
That's pretty much the summary.. if you don't want to hear my BOOHOO-ing, just scroll down to the next post, it's more happy and non-shit related.
---the start of my story---
Ok.. so I'm pretty sure my boyfriend no longer loves me. Why? Well.. ya.. I did start the chain reaction of anger sparks.. but he's seriously overreacting. It all started when I was back down in the OC this past saturday. I had spent Friday night at my boyfriend's house and we just hung out on Saturday, shopping, doing whatever we do. We went to eat at Nick's work place, ran into him when he was off work instead, and ate at Dolphin Bay instead. MY food was good.. but Christian ordered something he considered NOT so good. Hahaha. Anyways, on the way back to his house, we were just talking. Bringing up things from the past, and just talking about the present and stuff. This is where it hit rock bottom. I told him not to get mad because I wanted to tell him something about the first time we met. I told him that at first.. I had only agreed to meet him because the day we met, I had some free time so it was convenient to hang out, and that at a certain angle in bad lighting, he had some of the same characteristics of the guy who I used to like, Nick. That pissed him off big time. I mean.. I know that's a bad reason to agree to meet someone.. but that's not who I fell for. When I did meet him, he was looked NOTHING like Nick, his personality was different and he wasn't what I had expected. In all honesty, I hadn't even counted on falling for him, my initial intent was to get him to like me and drop him. I know.. wth right? I did it to the guy before him and I was seriously going to do that to him because I was sick of getting heartbroken, so I guess that was my REVENGE.. which backfired. I totally fell for him. The way he smiled.. the way he laughed.. the way he talked.. his stupid NOT FUNNY jokes.. how he rambled on and on about cars as if I knew wth he was talking about. He had that cute little shaggy emo hair going on when I first met him and a lip ring that was kinda sexy.. but a pain in the ass when it came to kissing. He liked anime, he liked cars, he liked doing things for himself, he liked looking good .. or rather.. at himself in the mirror.. he was into shoes and shirts (not so much anymore). He was adorable! THAT'S who I fell for.. not who I thought he'd be when I met him.. but who he became to ME when we hung out more. It's true that my reason for wanting to meet him was shallow and lame.. but even he admits he never had the best intentions either at first. He wanted a bang-and-go.. yet a few weeks later he asked me to be his gf at the anime expo.
He was so angry when I told him.. and asked if I was sorry.. I told him that I'm only sorry for having that shallow reason in the beginning.. but I'm not sorry for telling him. I wanted to tell him. He needed to know. I know some of you guys think it was unnecessary to tell him.. but I wanted to.
We were supposed to go to a halloween party that i was invited to up near USC by my friend Maria.. and when we were talking to Nick, we found out he was going to it too. There were a lot of diff parties going on at USC so the one he described sounded diff from the one I was invited to. When I got home and checked the invite again, I texted him the info and asked if that was the same one. I told my boyfriend everything so he wouldn't worry or feel like I was talking behind his back.. which also backfired.. because now he thinks I've been talking with Nick behind his back and that I'm cheating on him with Nick. WTF???? WHY WOULD I DO THAT? Then he goes off and accuses me of only wanting to go to the halloween party to get attention from people. He made criticized my costume and kept saying how I'm only there to show off and how I only wanted the party to be all about me. Uhh.. NO. It's a costume party.. where people wear COSTUMES. I guarantee there will be girls there wearing sluttier and more ho-ish costumes than me. I'll admit mine reveals a good portion of my waist but I'm not showing cleavage or being provocative. Hi yall. I'm a sailor. Complete with a gilligan's island sailor hat. I was excited about this party.. it's my first halloween party.. I haven't dressed up since 7th grade.. I even told him he could invite his friends to come.. but in the end.. it just ended up with the conclusion that I'm a whore who only wants attention at the party, even though I rarely (almost never) go to parties.
I kept telling him I was sorry and repeated everything to him over and over because he kept asking me to repeat details.. and when he asked me what I was thinking, I said "nothing, it's whatever" because i was tired of the whole thing and still had to study. He got mad that i said that.. and ever since monday.. he hasn't called me.. or picked up my calls.
I know he was out all of yesterday because his older brother told me he wasn't home yet and had his dad's cell.. which I called but nobody answered.
I never meant for this to happen..
so I was supposed to go down to pick him up tomorrow to bring him up here to LA so he can spend the night and we can go to the party together on friday.. but that's not happening anymore, and I don't feel like going by myself or with friends. If i don't get fat, I have a costume for next year I guess.
I played my nintendo DS like.. the entire day.. checked my phone.. nothing. I don't expect any or even a few comments on this post, I feel bad enough and I know it's my fault. His birthday is tomorrow.. I bet he's partying it up all week.
That's the end of my sob story, if you're reading it. I hope nobody judges me based on this post... because that would really suck. Nobody's perfect, not that I ever tried to be anyway.
Katie
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3 comments:
Sweetie, there's nothing to judge with this post! Sometimes you just need to get all this out and it's totally okay to write it down.
You can't help your first intentions, and you can't change your immediate reaction to meeting your SO. There's nothing wrong with it! Everything you did at first was human nature! Maybe you should have told him a little sooner, but the thing that matters most is that you fell for him shortly after and that you love him now! In retrospect you feel like your immediate reaction to meeting him was off-base and strange. But you love him now and that's what counts!
I do think he over reacted a bit. Does he get mad at you often? Bc I remember when my ex would get mad at me, he'd get super mad! It's almost like the less you fuck up, the worse it is when you do... He's probably just as frustrated as you that your plans wont go through now that you're fighting, or he wont have a happy birthday. I bet he's most (secretly) mad that he has to feel sad/mad around his b-day.
My ex pursued me. He was relentless and my friends had to convince me to spend time with him. I actually didn't want to because I thought he was weird, and he wore this thing on his head that grossed me out haha. But anyways, I eventually fell for him. I told him this and now it's a joke between us. He was probably a bit hurt at first because he liked me so much but I wanted to push him away .. =T
You can't help how you felt or what you did in the past. He'll realize that sooner or later. And he's saying really hurtful things because you hurt him. He's jumping to conclusions because he's hurt and scared and doubting things. It's what everybody does when they feel like their whole perspective is changed..
Hopefully things get better soon!
he's always tended to get mad over just simple things.. if they were such good friends, i don't think it'd matter if you told him something from the past past. that was you before and why would he care now? you ended up with HIM and that's what matters. it's been HOW long now? i guess you can't get rid of habits or personality traits of getting upset, etc, but.. yea. i'm sure he'll get over it soon enough. you guys have have stuck together, regardless of if you're mad at him or him at you (both of you with tempers! jeez). i don't think i could've stuck with someone if i had so many fights and arguments over stuff with. but you just stick it through and.. i dunno. it's love, right? must be worth fighting for.
and ps, whoever judged you by this post is a complete ho-bag.
oh my dear i hope you're feeling better...
its okay.. ive been having troubles with my boy too... le sigh... it's so annoying...! boys are just annoying! URGH!
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