My nails are still in tip top shape (surprise surprise) but they're getting longer and it's harder to type with them. I went shopping these past two days for the rest of my apartment gear and woah, I'll racked up that credit card bill this month. Almost maxed out actually.. and my limit's pretty freaking high. I finally bought train cases (yes, plural) for my makeup.. now they'll be safe and protected!
My love life.. well.. shit happened blah blah blah but in the end, we're giving it another go (not a surprise) after he went to find condolence from his mother after we fought yesterday. She basically called him stupid and said that whatever I said, goes. LOL!! I love that woman! She convinced me to let things go (lured me in by saying Christian will take me to dinner, which he found out about later) and yea.. I guess things are ok. I've given up all hope on ever changing Christian. He'll always choose his friends and break promises. I just have to face the facts that's the type of person he is. So.. I've lifted all promises, rules, and regulations. He's free to do whatever he wants, go wherever he wants, be home at whatever time and no I won't call him and he doesn't have to call me. All that just ends up in a big fight and i don't care for that crap anymore.
I'm trying out a new face wash right now. I realize that I never even finish a bottle before I switch to a new one. Dermalogica Clay Cleanser can kiss my ass! I'm still recovering from the massive invasion of breakouts!!!!!!! Before Dermalogica, I was using Ren because that brand is new and makes organic skincare products.. but the facewash I got for combination skin just didn't do ANYTHING.. it was actually kind of drying and for that price, I'd rather not look like a peeling prune. *SIGH* Before THAT one, I was using Earth Science gentle facial scrub. I had mixed feelings about that. I actually went through a whole tube.. it FELT like it was doing a good job but my pores seemed to be more clogged than usual.. not sure if it was because of the wash or the moisturizer (also changes with the face wash). Before THAT, I THINK I was using Biore pore unclogging scrub. I really liked that one but I started breaking out after a while and even to this day I'm not sure if it was the wash or something else I was using at the time. Before THAT I was using Desert Essence face wash.. it was decent but didn't seem to improve much of anything. My very first wash was by Olay for sensitive skin.. can't even remember what that one was like. I've used Bio-Oil as a sort of leave in moisturizer at night before, it was pretty good for results but I didn't like how it felt on my face because.. well.. it's oily.
Before I end this.. I want to share something that I've come to realize. Once you've truly liked someone, that feeling stays with you throughout the years. You can see some couples who break up only to become each other's best friend later on in life.. even they've each found someone else to be with. That intimate and loving feeling isn't erased just because the relationship went sour. Then you have the couples who break up and forever hate each others' guts. They hope for the worst for each other and promise that they'll kill the other if they ever see each other again. That hatred is so strong that it lasts with them throughout the years and they never once forget about the other. To me, that's probably a twisted image of what used to be love. They are still so much in love that they hate each other for it, for letting their relationship turn so bad.
I'm not saying all couples are like this. Crushes can be like this too. The ones you can really remember, not the one that's like.. "His name's John, he was in my first grade class, he passed me a piece of paper, but I don't remember what he looks like and I don't remember his last name. I liked him though." I mean the one where you can close your eyes.. and you can remember exactly what he or she looked like.. maybe a smile.. or maybe a position you'd always see him or her standing or sitting down in. The face isn't a blur, you can make it out perfectly. You remember the name and maybe you can even remember what YOU were like back when you were crushing. But that's all it was, a crush. Years go by and suddenly you encounter each other again after a long time of not seeing each other. If that crush was more than a crush, say it was a love connection on both sides that were never expressed, you'd have no problems catching up and greeting each other. There is no awkward "who are you" or silence. No doubt there will be an inward feeling of happiness to see each other again that both of you probably can't stop smiling, talking, or looking. Maybe your stomach might even start making weird movements and you get a little queasy from the sudden encounter with "the one that got away".
Maybe this all sounds like bs.. but try it. Find that person who you used to crush on the MOST.. or that ex who you used to be attached to at the hip.. see if you feel any of the above.
This all just kinda dawned on me today.. I won't even hide what the incident was. Me and Christian went to eat dinner in Cerritos at the restaurant that a guy I used to like (a LOT, 2 year crush) works at currently. We've gone to the restaurant only once before.. and the feeling I described above was what I felt both times I've been there. Christian knows that I used to like the guy a lot, but they've become good friends and he trusts both of us (even though the guy had admitted to Christian that he did used to like me as well, surprise to my ears really).
I forgot to mention that with those feelings above.. come a kind of heavy feeling. One of sadness maybe? Or maybe it's reality that settled in.
Both times I've felt those feelings above.. but at the same time I've also felt the reality that I USED to like him and that we both have lives we're content with. Sure the attraction's still there but there's a firm understanding that the crush was to remain unacknowledged and life is good as it is. Kind of a sense that those nice feelings described above are for something that's out of reach now.
It's not a bad thing, as sad as it sounds I guess? You'd understand if you talk to an ex you were close with or a mutual crush that lasted a while. You'd agree that you feel that intimate connection but you both know there's an unspoken feeling that keeps you two from reaching that intimate level again. I may sound stupid typing up all this mumbo jumbo but it's just something I'm tossing around in my head.
By the way, that guy was there from the beginning. He basically saw me transition from my fatass self to who I am today. I was kind of a fatass when I met my first boyfriend. I had a small crush on the guy already but it wasn't going to happen. He did meet my first boyfriend though and he also saw me through the period when the breakup happened. Come to think of it, I always went to talk to him when something big happened or something small. I guess I was just kind of an annoying little high schooler who kept finding him just to stutter and talk about dumb things. Then came Christian. They met and WOAH.. became friends. People even say they look alike and ask if they're brothers. Weird? Yes. Their interests are in the same things but their appearance and personalities are completely different. I can't help but smile sometimes when we see his face but after liking someone for so long, how can you not? I'd never do anything behind Christian's back, nor would the guy. It's just kind of funny how things work out in the end. The guy I used to like is now making sexual comments with my current boyfriend. Yup. They're a match made in heaven.
............... freaks. They both look like elves too.
-Katie
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